I am the April fool
This is something that's made me lose sleep since the first of April this year, and it's controversial, but I just need to speak my truth.
Let's go back a few days, to April Fool's Day. It's the morning, I'm on my way into work and I have to go for my covid test. My lovely boyfriend is working in the test centre that day, and decides to prank me by sending me a text from him with the full positive covid test spiel. I understandable panic a bit, start calling him like help help I can't go back to isolation (I literally came out of isolation 10 days ago and I am not up for going back), until he texts me saying lol April fool.
Well, I wasn't having that, and like the spontaneous person I am I thought right, let's get him back. So I find a photo on google images of a baby scan, and post a status on Facebook that we are pregnant. I'm chuckling to myself thinking lol his friends are going to rip him a new one. I think I am the world's funniest person. I am in no way thinking about how my harmless joke is going to effect someone else. Cut to 2 minutes after I post it, and I get a comment on the post with a photo of someone who has gone through a miscarriage, captioned "Why you don't joke about being pregnant on April Fool's day".
Reader, I don't know if you know me, but the people in my life will probably tell you that I can be naïve, I try to be conscientious, and moreover I am one anxious bean. So seeing that something I had posted could cause someone to feel pain knocked me sick, and still is 3 days on. I obviously deleted my post straight away, and I messaged the person who commented to apologise (no response, which is fair enough). I think I wanted to write about this because I just don't know how to feel about it. I've consulted various people and they've all given me different vibes, from "yeah you're 100% a sh*tbag", to "nah they're being dramatic it's not even the same thing", so I am a bit lost.
My intent wasn't to upset people who had gone though miscarriage, or had fertility problems - honestly those are all my biggest fears and nightmares for my future. I don't know I was naïve to not consider that my silly heat of the moment April Fool prank would turn into me questioning everything I've ever posted or said. But then that begs the question; just because your intention wasn't to hurt, does that make it okay? I'm not saying what I wrote was totally chill, trust me I've kicked myself enough times since then I am fully aware and moreover totally embarrassed.
How do I know when something is okay, and when it's going to make someone sad or trigger someone? Personally, if I see something online that I can already tell is going to make me sad or feel something rubbish, I scroll away. Everyone's got a truth, but if your truth isn't acceptable for everyone is it still a valid truth? Is it even possible to do anything without offending someone? I'm not sure it is. I accept that what I wrote could make someone feel something, my muddle is: doesn't everything make someone feel something?
I was basically "cancelled", in miniature form. Am I going to be cancelled for writing this blog? Do I need to disclaim that I am genuinely just sounding out what's gone on, to avoid being cancelled again, or is that obvious? Should I just deal with my thoughts within myself, and not question that?
I want to be able to ask the questions that maybe someone else wants to ask too. Please feel free to leave any comments below. I'm not trying to restructure the wheel, I just want to know what I can say, to avoid this happening again.