When I started this post, I was in my Bangkok hostel’s garden. Redbone by Childish Gambino was on the sound system. There was a drummer failing to drum along to the beat, preparing for jam night. I was in tears.
I think this would be a good time to point out, I’m out here for a backpacking experience of a lifetime. Doing what I should’ve done when I turned 21. Whilst I was sat in the garden of the hostel, I thought that perhaps this was not what I should’ve done at all…
I’d arrived there earlier that day, ticked off tuktuk rides, river boat tours, temples, buddhas, markets. I felt like that’s Bangkok done now, surely? Also had a wee swim at our hostel, a drink and a snack in the bar, and then, finally, a cry.
I’d been so nervous about flying here I’d forgotten to really process that I would actually be here, in Asia, where I can’t read any signs or listen in to most conversations, and where everything moves 1000 miles an hour… it was a lot. Perhaps doing so much in our first 12 hours plus a 23 hour travel day on top of missing my boyfriend and my family isn’t the way to go, as it resulted in a very overwhelmed human being, sat in the communal garden with a bottle of water using all of the paper napkins in the little plastic paper napkin tray to wipe my soggy face.
That was 3 days ago. I thought nah this is awful I’m going to have to go home - this feeing like I’m stood at the top of a cliff will never go away, I’ll never know what’s around the corner. I’ve been at the same job for 5 years, I’m in a comfy relationship, I’ve been pretty stable for quite a while and I’m quite institutionalised anyway - this is the first time in my life where I’m not studying or working in education! How the heck am I meant to backpack around Asia - your group or not, this is just insane and maybe it’s just not me maybe I can’t do this….
I was wrong. I spoke to some friends, my fella, got pepped back up again and reminded why I’m doing what I’m doing and how badass it is. I told my friend that I’m travelling with that I needed sleep and wimped out of going out the first night. I led in bed on my phone watching tiktoks and napping and I woke up the next day admittedly still feeling a little apprehensive but determined to give it another go regardless. I headed out on my own, saw a market, bought a capybara t-shirt (because honestly if you know me at all you’ll know that a flipping love a capybara t-shirt - this is now my third one in my wardrobe), some long floaty pants (just cream - no elephant pants… not yet), walked in a park (one of my favourite things to do in a new place), saw some monitor lizards, ate proper Thai food… I’d been in Bangkok 24 hours, had a major wobble and still managed to dust myself off and get back out there literally!! And then I spent the night with my friend and some people from our hostel, ended up out on Khao San Road until 4am having a whale of a time.
I was wrong. I spoke to some friends, my fella, got pepped back up again and reminded why I’m doing what I’m doing and how badass it is. I told my friend that I’m travelling with that I needed sleep and wimped out of going out the first night. I led in bed on my phone watching tiktoks and napping and I woke up the next day admittedly still feeling a little apprehensive but determined to give it another go regardless. I headed out on my own, saw a market, bought a capybara t-shirt (because honestly if you know me at all you’ll know that a flipping love a capybara t-shirt - this is now my third one in my wardrobe), some long floaty pants (just cream - no elephant pants… not yet), walked in a park (one of my favourite things to do in a new place), saw some monitor lizards, ate proper Thai food… I’d been in Bangkok 24 hours, had a major wobble and still managed to dust myself off and get back out there literally!! And then I spent the night with my friend and some people from our hostel, ended up out on Khao San Road until 4am having a whale of a time.
Basically my story moral is that sometimes things catch up to you, and that’s cool let it happen, and then put that stress in a little box, give it a loving pat, and move onto the next thing. I’ve waited a long time to do this trip, and I wanted to go home after 12 hours. Fast forward 48 hours from that and I’m led in my bunk on an overnight train to Chiangmai. It’s going to be absolutely fine…not fine actually. Awesome.
Oh, also, sleep solves everything.
