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We Are The Best, So Screw The Rest

Anyone who went to a certain purple prison in my year will remember this banger of a night.

Rewind to 2008. Lady Gaga was asking us to Just Dance, Twilight was just becoming a thing, and I am 11 years old.

At my school, we had this fabulous theatre where we would put on plays and have assemblies, hold concerts, you name it. Our teachers thought, as a welcome to Year 7 and to Upper School, that we should have a Night at the Movies. We were told we would be staying in school late, get to dress up as our favourite characters from the film, and there would be snacks - what is not to love. Ah, "but what was the film??" I hear you cry. Well guys, they were showing St Trinian's (2007).

Now, first of all, let's just unpack what we have learnt. For anyone who hasn't seen St Trinian's (where have you been?), basically the film is about a boarding school for girls, where the teachers are sadists and the girls are juvenile delinquents. I went to an all-girls school, so I can see why, on this basis, the teachers chose the film - omg so relevant. But St Trinian's isn't a regular school - it's full of badass teenagers that get up to some questionable acts.

One of the appeals of the night was we could dress up as our favourite characters. Here's a photo of some of the characters for reference in case you haven't seen it/ forgot...

We were in Year 7. That's age 11-12 for anyone not accustomed to British school years. And our TEACHERS told us to dress up as if we went to St Trinian's. Umm what? Please note the suspenders, ripped tights and heavy make up - everything an 11 year old needs to have.

If you're interested, I think I tried to be the one with the dreadlocks (Played by Juno Temple my tween idol cos she had curly hair and I felt seen), and I 100% did not look anything like her except my hair. I have the pictures on Facebook and some of the people in my year looked cracking, but still, at age 11 looking like a prostitute isn't great. Maybe I'm just bitter because if this happened now I would ROCK Chelsea the Posh Totty (curly hair in the front of the pic above).

I haven't even started on what actually happens in the film. My particular highlights include:

  1. Russell Brand teaching the girls how to make extra strength vodka and making pills. The extra strength vodka is that strong it makes one Russian Trinian (classic Russian stereotypes throughout her brief appearance in the film) faint, and she isn't in the rest of the movie so one can only assume she is dead.

  2. Russell Brand, a full grown adult, asking the Head Girl out on a date, who must be 17 or 18 (Gemma Arterton).

  3. During a game of hockey, a goth whittles a hockey stick into a spear, and when a girl gets knocked out, a teacher asks for smelling salts and one of the first years says, and I quote "No but I've got some poppers".

  4. They plan a detailed heist to steal a painting from the National Gallery, which is actually amazing. During their recky of the gallery, the Posh Totty's, mistaking the girl in the pearl earring for Scarlett Johansson, chat about how they can understand why Colin Firth would want to shag her - literally said shag. This bit is extra funny because Colin Firth is in the film.

  5. Jodie Whittaker (pre-Dr Who) supplies a few of the characters with uppers and downers, including national treasure Stephen Fry.

I could go on but I don't want to spoil it. All of the above plus an inappropriate refence every 5 minutes show that actually, the teachers picked the film blindly, and I wonder what they would've been thinking at the time while they sat in the theatre with us. I don't know about anyone else in my year, but I had no clue this film was a naughty as it is - at the time I didn't get the references because I was still a child, thank god.

If school had been more like St Trinian's it would've been 10000x more fun, but unfortunately I had to wait another 10 years before I'd actually start looking old enough to be a St Trinian student.

Have you re-watched any films that you first saw as a kid and seen it in a new light? Did we go to school together, can you remember this evening? Let me know in the comments below! v

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