As I'm getting older, it's becoming more and more difficult to leave my home. Like, when I was in my teens I couldn't imagine anything worse than coming home and living here forever, yet nowadays I find myself on Rightmove looking for cosy cottages 10 minutes away from where I've grown up.
A little background for you - until I went to university in York, I had lived in the same village my entire life. When I was around 3 my parents moved us from number 16 to number 21, and they're still there today. The village is a mix of what you the sort you see on Escape to the Country and Emmerdale - everyone knows everyone, and there's politics and drama's going on behind every door, and there's a farm on all sides. The village has also been here for hundreds of years, and now as all old towns sadly are, it is declining. We used to have a dairy and a mill and a pub, now we're just inundated with walkers passing through on the Rossendale Way walk. It's the kind of place you end up in if you get lost.
One of our neighbours in the village painted this picture and posted it on Facebook and it's captured it so beautifully I just want it framed.
It used to be that I couldn't wait to get away, but now, not knowing when I'll be home again, I'm not okay! Does anyone else find they're craving home the older they get? Maybe it's the pandemic getting me all melancholy and soppy.
Part of me wants to move back to what I know - I could probably afford somewhere near here, it's homely, I have some friends. Then the other part of me is telling me to f*ck off and stop being a baby, and that once I moved here I'd be bored within a month, all my friends that I love here will leave and I'll be alone again - I need to be moving somewhere crazy like London or abroad and doing something wild. My parent's would say the same as that second part of me, but maybe that's because they don't want me here cramping their style... And then don't get me started on trying to find a place in the world where both me and my boyfriend will be happy, absolute nightmare.
Do other people have these questions going round their minds? I wish there was a guidebook on how to navigate living arrangements and basic planning - I am once again lost. Maybe this blog should be called Little Girl Lost because that's how I feel 90% of the time. Not even my 20s bible gave advice on this - no weak ties are going to help me here Dr Jay!!
Fast forward to the day I know where I want to be in life... I hope future Emma can provide some more uplifting dialogue on this issue. Maybe in a year, or 5, I'll know what the hell is going on and what I want... that would be nice.
Anyone else feeling my pain? Comment below and let me know, and don't forget to subscribe for a notification when I post!